Jasper
by thenag
Summary: For those of us who love us some Jasper, here are some one shots of how it began. UPDATED!
1. Gettysburg

They say your memory fades. Well, your memory of _before_ you become a vampire. Nothing fades afterwards. And mine had, mostly. I vaguely remember a younger brother. I have no recollection of my parents. And my memory of Texas is gone. Except the sun. Sun so bright it hurt the eyes.

I was squinting without realizing, and laughed under my breath. _Maybe_, I thought to myself, _Maybe this isn't such a good idea. _

Alice was looking at me curiously as we zoomed past a sign that read "Welcome to Gettysburg".

"Jazz," she whispered, "Are you sure you want to do this?"

I didn't answer right away. I wasn't sure I wanted to do this. Not at all. But I needed to and I didn't know why. And that bothered me. As I pondered how to respond to Alice, I was saved. A large sign read "Gettysburg Outlet Mall".

I made a quick left turn, pulling into the mall. I stopped in front of the first store and idled the engine. I smiled at Alice and raised an eyebrow. She loved a good outlet mall.

Alice didn't smile back. "Jazz," she whispered again. She looked scared. No, not scared, I ascertained as I looked at her, she looked unsure.

I leaned across the middle of the car and softly placed my right hand on her check. "Alice," I spoke softly, gazing into her eyes, "I'll be okay." I'll admit. I did it. I subtly tried to calm her down, to put her at ease.

Alice wasn't buying. She turned her head to stare out the front windshield, breaking my hand's contact with her. She heaved an enormous sigh and closed her eyes. Her face instantly became rigid. Smooth in its rigidity. Frozen.

Now I sighed and leaned back in my seat. A wife with the ability to see the future often meant that she checked to see if you would keep your word. Or if you would be…dangerous. Now all I could do was wait, while she checked, to see if I _would_ be okay. I had taken precautions. We had hunted yesterday. I wasn't thirsty. And the tourist season had just ended. The park should be empty. There shouldn't be many humans around to tempt me.

A car behind honked behind us and I put the hazard lights on. They honked again and then darted around us, in search of a parking spot further down the mall.

The honk had interrupted Alice. Her eyes opened and she looked at me. The uncertainty was gone. In its place was understanding. She opened her mouth to say something, but I was quicker. "Pennsylvania, Alice," I urged, "Tax free shopping."

Alice smiled. We gazed into each other's eyes a moment. It struck me again, how much I loved her. She was wonderful. I had killed for her in the past and I would do it again in the future, if needed. Alice was my everything.

Alice put her hand on the door handle, and opened the door. As she got out, she asked "Can I get you anything?"

I smiled at her. "Just do what you do best." Alice was an amazing shopper.

She smiled back and closed the door. By the time I had the car in gear, she was gone.

I drove cautiously through the mall, on the look out for pedestrians. But once I hit the main road, I floored the Mercedes.

All too soon, it seemed, I could tell. I was there. Gettysburg. This was where I had deserted, where I had left the Confederate Army. Not because of fear. No, there was very little I feared—even then. I had deserted here because here I had been changed.

I hit the brakes on the car, slamming it to a stop, as screams and hoof beats seemed to fill my ears. I looked left. I looked right. There was nothing. I took several deep breaths_. Easy Jasper_, I thought to myself. I smiled a wry smile. What would Edward say if he knew _I_ was hearing things? I started the car again and followed the signs that read "Gettysburg National Military Park."

The parking lot was nearly empty, only two or three other cars. I stayed in the car a moment, breathing deeply. It had been eighty years since I had last been here. I had last come in 1938, when Franklin D. Roosevelt had dedicated the Eternal Light Peace Memorial. I hadn't stayed long, just long enough to hear him speak. There had been too much to internalize then. It had still been _raw_.

It still seemed raw to me. There was something I was missing here. Something that I couldn't remember, but that I needed to. But what was it? _Cut it out Jasper_, I thought harshly, _What are you expecting to find here?_ _There is nothing. Just memories of…_ My thoughts trailed off. I refused to think about that part of my life. The first decades after my changing were…horrific. _Well,_ I thought grimly, _There's nothing a vampire loves more than a good, bloody war._

I got out of the car and drifted into the museum. A National Parks Ranger smiled and welcomed me with "Hello!" I nodded, acknowledging her presence, but making it clear that I wasn't interested in a tour, a movie, or whatever else they had to offer at this small visitor's center. I, of all people, did not need a tour. I grabbed a park map and drifted back out across the street to the battlefield. A tour guide was talking to a small group of four or five people in front of some. The breeze blew their scent my way and I had to repress the yearning, the thirst that I felt. It would be so easy, so quick.

To take my mind off their scent, I listened to the tour guide. I scoffed to myself as I realized he was telling them something completely wrong. Part of me, the Professor of American History part of me, wanted to interrupt and set him straight. Another part of me, the veteran of the Civil War part of me, also wanted to interrupt and set him straight.

Another larger part of me, the vampire part, kept me silent.

Checking the map, I routed the ways I wanted to go. There wasn't much I wanted to see. I had seen all too much of Gettysburg for my existence, thanks. I folded the map carefully, as I watched the humans. They seemed oblivious to me. Without a second thought, I ran to the first memorial. I was there almost instantly. I walked around, gazing at the statue of a Union soldier holding a Confederate soldier as he died.

Without warning, I heard gunshots, a battery of shots, one after another. I dropped to the ground, a reflex, growling and sniffing the air to see which way the shots had been fired from. They were loud and nearby. Where was the enemy? A cool breeze fanned my face, and I sniffed it. Nothing. There was no gun powder in the air. I looked around, disgruntled with myself and stood up. There was nothing dangerous visible within my eyesight. I shook my head again. _I might be going crazy_, I thought desperately.

I took a deep breath before I ran again. This next part was the whole reason for coming. As I sped through the park, the noises in my head began again. Gunshots. Hoof beats. Screaming. Screaming. Screaming.

I was there. Devil's Den. I took deep breaths to calm myself, much deeper than I needed for just running. The screaming continued in my head, but I tried to ignore it.

I was alone as I walked around Devil's Den. _It had been terrible fighting_, I thought suddenly. _Or had I just studied this part in a book?_

I walked towards the monument nearby. "Hood's Texas Brigade" the inscription was titled_. Hood, Colonel Hood_, I thought, _that sounded familiar_. I could almost place a face with the name, but it disappeared. I shook my head, trying to clear it. The screaming seemed muted now, but it was still there.

I scanned the rest of the inscription of the Texas Brigade as it detailed what had happened here and the Brigade's role in it. At the bottom it listed the fallen from the Texas Brigade.

Jasper Whitlock was not listed.

_Of course I wasn't listed_, I thought angrily, _I didn't die. What did I expect? I don't even know for sure that I was in the Battle of Gettysburg._ Suddenly, though, another Whitlock seemed to jump off the monument at me.

Whitlock, Jason.

The memory hit me like a boulder. I sat down on the ground, breathing heavily, and the screaming in my head got louder and louder until I covered my ears to stifle it.

"Jasper!" It screamed, "Jasper, I'm hit."

I moaned, and lay down on my side, closing my eyes.

It was as if I was there again.

"Jasper!" Jason screamed, "I'm hurt." His grey union uniform was turning crimson.

"Jason," I yelled, as I scampered back, dropping on the ground next to him, "Jason."

"Jasper," He breathed as I took him in my arms, "I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, aren't I?" He was frantic.

I looked at his chest and my eyes filled with tears. There was nothing to be done for Jason, for my little brother, the brother who had followed me into this war because he wanted to be with me. He would die, and he would die soon. "Medic!" I screamed, looking around wildly. I could see no medics, only the grey legs of other Confederate soldiers marching by.

"Jasper!" Jason screamed again, thrashing in my arms.

Breathing deeply, I looked down at Jason through my tear filled eyes. It was like looking into a mirror. The same eyes, hair, chin—but not the nose. His crooked nose was a reminder of our only argument. "Jason, you're gonna be okay." I lied, "Easy."

Jason calmed immediately. The thrashing stopped and he looked up at me. "Jasper, I'm so cold." he whispered.

He was cold because he was losing blood, I knew. I had to try, I had to help… "Cold," I scoffed at him, trying to fake bravado, "How can a Texas boy be cold? Wait till I tell them about this at home." I ripped my uniform shirt off and wrapped it around him.

Jason laughed weakly, "Jasper…"his voice trailed off.

"What?" I peered down into Jason's eyes, knowing but not wanting to admit what had all ready happened, "What Jason?"

But it was too late. Jason was all ready dead. I started to cry then, sobbing. What was I to do without my brother?

I didn't know how long I cradled his body in my arms, sobbing. Suddenly, I was aware of men running past me, returning the way we had come, "Retreat!" They screamed. I looked up and saw a wall of Union soldiers barreling towards us.

My head cleared as I looked at them. They would pay. They would have to pay for Jason. I would avenge his death. I had no idea who had killed him, so I had no choice but to kill them all.

I stood swiftly, with my loaded musket. I fired, and a Union soldier crumbled. With no time to reload, I drew my saber and charged, screaming as I went.

I slashed my sword at one soldier, and another, and then…I felt the bullets rip through my body. I tried to move forward, Jason's name on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn't move. I couldn't do anything…

I felt nothing. Nothing. My world went black.

And then the fire started.

Fire.

Fire.

When I awoke, I was in a small room. A beautiful woman with brown, curly hair was doing needlework in a rocking chair in the far corner. Her eyes flickered to me and she seemed to know instantly that I was awake. "Ahh," she crooned, sweetly, "You're awake." She stood up and seemed to float across the room to me, "How do you feel, Jasper?" She asked cordially.

Was I mistaken? Were her eyes red? How could her eyes be red? No, I thought, it must be the reflection of the fire. "I feel fine," I finally answered, still staring at her deep, ruby eyes.

"Good," She smiled, "My name is Maria."

"Jasper! Jasper!" Someone was yelling my name and shaking me. I rolled onto my back and slowly opened my eyes. Alice's face was no further than an inch away from mine, "Jasper!" She yelled.

I closed my eyes again, "Alice?" I ventured quietly, "Where am I?"

She sat down heavily next to me on the ground, "We're in Pennsylvania, Jasper." She whispered softly.

I took a deep breath. I seemed to need a lot of deep breaths today, "I must have been dreaming." I told her quietly.

"Jasper," Alice's hand was suddenly on my shoulder and she spoke softly, "We don't dream."

I looked at her in bewilderment. Seeing my face, she continued, "We can't sleep, remember?"

I sat up suddenly, looking around in the twilight. "Jason…" I whispered, as if I expected to see him, "Alice…Jason was…"

Alice looked at me curiously, "Jason?"


	2. World War I

Disclaimer: I don't own _Twilight_ or _New Moon._

A/N: **Thanks** for the reviews. It made my day to get them. Please, if you do read, review. I want to improve my writing—and your reviews will help me do that!

I sat on the steps of the veranda, overlooking the meadow. Dusk was falling, and it was just dark enough that I could make out the stars. I stared at them without seeing them.

I heard soft footsteps behind me, but I didn't turn. "Jasper," Esme's soft voice asked, "May I join you?"

I gestured to the empty space on the stairs. I did it more out of courtesy than anything else. I hadn't been in the mood to talk to anyone since Alice and I had returned from Gettysburg. And that was three weeks ago.

Esme silently sat down on the steps next to me. She hooked her fingers together and looped her hands around her knees. She didn't say anything, just gazed over the meadow like I had been.

I waited for her to start. Esme, as the oldest female in our coven, often played the mother. Sometimes I didn't mind. It was nice, sometimes, to be mothered. Other times, I minded.

Like tonight.

I knew Esme was going to hound me about something—probably for my poor attitude that I'd had recently. It was one thing for another family member to be in a bad mood for a while, but when I was in a bad mood, _everyone_ _else_ was also in a bad mood. Carlisle had taken to working extra shifts at the hospital. Rosalie, Emmett and Edward had gone to Goat's Rock to get away. Alice stayed in our room, hardly ever leaving. I sighed. I didn't intentionally try to upset everyone—especially Alice. But I didn't know how it could be helped. I had been dwelling in memories of my…upbringing. It was counterproductive to my chosen lifestyle.

I waited for Esme to begin. She seemed perfectly content to just stare over the meadow and up into the stars as I was. I was going crazy with the silence, however. "Alice sent you, didn't she?" I accused angrily, turning to look at Esme.

Esme didn't look at me, "It's beautiful out tonight, isn't it?"

My non-beating heart softened slightly with her words. Up until now, I thought Esme was going to berate me and tell me to shape up. But she wasn't going to. She just wanted to be with me, to show me that she cared. Not everyone could be driven off by my moods.

_Such a mother_, I thought to myself as I looked at her. Impulsively, I asked, "Your husband was in the first World War, wasn't he?" Esme first marriage hadn't been a happy one. As a result, she rarely spoke of her first husband. I wondered if I had crossed some unseen line into her past and whether she would answer.

"Yes, he was."

I decided to press my luck. Turning my gaze back to the now dark meadow, I asked, "What was he like after the war?"

There was a pregnant pause. I could almost hear Esme's mind working, trying to sort through faded human memories of her husband. "He was never very good to me," Esme said at long last, "But even worse after the war."

I think we were both surprised that we were having this conversation. I was surprised that I had asked, and Esme was surprised that she answered. We both stared ahead into the dark, neither one turning to face the other. It seemed to do so would break the spell. We sat, very still, and very quiet. "He used to have horrific nightmares when he came home." Esme offered.

I pondered that for a moment. It would make sense, after fighting a war, to have nightmares. It wasn't something I'd ever had to think about.

"Esme," I ventured quietly, "Did you know _I_ was in the first World War?"

Esme didn't answer, but I could feel her surprise, her confusion. How could I have been in the war? I was all ready a vampire. Suddenly, the words just tumbled out, "There are always vampires in a war. After the Civil War, I just followed the wars. The first World War was amazing."

"How so?"

"The bloodshed." I spoke honestly, without thinking. Esme's back stiffened in surprise at my answer and I instantly regretted the candor of my answer, but it was the truth. "The War was fought with trench warfare. Miles and miles of trenches, one after another. Each trench separated from the each other by barbed wire." The words seemed to have a life of their own. "Thousands of boys tried to climb through that wire to get to the next trench. Many of them got stuck. Even more of them got cut. And the blood…"I couldn't help myself. The memory was intoxicating. The blood had run freely, then. It had been glorious and I had reveled in it. I took a deep breath, forcing the thought from my head. It would drive me crazy otherwise. "Vampires aren't a very patriotic bunch. We would feed, and feed, and feed. It didn't matter if they were Brits, Americans or Germans. They were prey—and nobody noticed. It's very easy," I continued, "To massacre a fox hole of soldiers and make it look like a bomb exploded." It felt like I was sharing trade secrets and I was angry with myself. _Stop it_, I thought, _Esme doesn't want to know what kind of a monster you are._

There was a pause. "Why are you telling me this, Jasper?" Esme's low voice was almost a growl.

I was still staring over the darkened meadow. "I was on the Western Front, close to Switzerland, I think," My voice was quiet, "Because they were speaking German. There weren't many alive, so I was hurrying to drink before it cooled. Around one corner, I stumbled upon a human that was still alive. I ran in to kill him. Before I could, though, I realized what he was saying. He was holding another soldier and sobbing 'Mein brúder, mein brúder." My voice cracked and I hated myself for it, for the weakness I was displaying.

"What happened then?" Esme's soft voice, no longer hostile, prodded.

"I froze. And the soldier looked up and…" I hesitated, "He saw me."

Esme gasped, and I could see, from the corner of my eye, that she was now looking directly at me. I continued, hating myself for telling Esme this story, for showing my weakness, "Just as he realized what I was, he was dead. Another vampire, working the other side of the front, killed him. After he was done drinking, he started yelling at me in German. He was obviously ticked off that I had been seen," I worked to keep my voice under control, as the anger that I remembered was threatening to spew forth, "I was so mad at him for killing that soldier," I paused and turned my head to Esme, staring directly into her eyes, "That I killed him."

We stared at each other for a long moment. Then I turned my head, back to the meadow, "I relished it, Esme. I found great satisfaction in tearing him to shreds. It was a good fight—we both knew one of us would die—and I enjoyed it." I ran my fingers through my blonde hair. "I think that was when I found my conscience. When I knew what I was doing was wrong—when I figured that there must be a better way." I laughed without mirth, "Ironic, isn't it? I find my conscience while killing another."

"Ironic." Esme agreed.

Lost in our own thoughts, Esme and I sat on the porch. Together, we watched the moon rise and fall and then, finally, the sun begin to rise.


	3. 1948

The small fire gave off a great deal of heat as I sat next to it. The warmth was amazing. I poked the fire with a long stick, stirring the coals to ensure light for a while. I leaned back against a felled tree, stretched my legs out and picked up a book.

Reading was a wonderful pastime for me. No matter how long I lived, I could never read them all. I hoped. There seemed to be so few challenges left in this immortal life of sleeplessness, that reading books seemed wonderful. I could never read them all—but I could try.

I was wading through _The Canterbury Tales_. I didn't enjoy it or like the Middle English that it was written in, but it was on a list of "100 Greatest Books" I had stolen from the English Department at nearby Dartmouth College.

As I tried to focus on the words, I imagined myself having a conversation. "Man, this Geoff guy is full of crap." I would say. "Yes," my friend would agree, "He is."

I shook my head. Pretending to have conversations was embarrassing. I ought to go find someone to be with, a vampire to hunt with for a while. I had been alone too long. _Maria_, I thought_, I could always go back to Maria_. Even as I thought the words, I knew I would never do it. I would not repeat my mistakes with Maria—mistakes that gave her unrealistic hopes for our future. Together. I shuddered of the thought of spending the rest of this life with Maria. I had used her too many times for companionship, to fill the loneliness. She had never filled the void, but the ache had not hurt quite so much with her. It had been eight years since I had last seen her, but I knew she would still be waiting, still enamored with me. I sighed. I was the furthest thing from enamored with Maria. If anything, I despised her. She had been a mistake and she knew it. A mistake I had repeated several times. But still she hoped.

I focused my eyes back on the page. I really wanted to finish this book, so I could move on to the others.

A breeze from behind me brought the smell of pine, deer, and…vampire.

Instantly, I was alert. I almost laughed. Here I had been thinking of finding another vampire, and one had found me.

I turned a page in the book. I didn't know which I wanted more: the other to come sit at my fire and talk for a while, or for him to try to attack me from behind. _Anything to break up the monotony of Chaucer_, I thought.

"I know you're there," I whispered.

There was no answer. I couldn't hear anything, but the wind brought again the scent of vampire.

"Your call." I whispered. I would let this other vampire determine how things were to be handled. If they wanted companionship, I was here. If they wanted a brawl, I was ready.

Again, there was no answer. After waiting for an exceptionally long period of time, I gave up and returned to my book.

The next several days passed in the same way. I never saw my unexpected visitor. I was under surveillance and I knew it, but it didn't bother me. In its way, it was a form of companionship.

I was reading Kipling's _Captain Courageous_. It was a short novel, and I didn't expect it to take me through the night. But the plot and the storyline were good, and I was enjoying myself.

A feminine voice cut suddenly into the air, "Jasper?"

I leapt to my feet and turned around to face the dark forest, growling. _How could they know my name?_ I thought as I scanned the trees, _I've not talked to another person for months…_

I could see nor smell, anything. This vampire who knew my name was gone.

I sat back down in front of the fire and opened the book. It was all a façade as my mind was racing. I wasn't reading the book anymore—the words were blurry on the pages.

I was planning. _Maria, it has to be Maria_, I thought and sighed. She'd obviously been tracking me for a while. I didn't want to deal with her. She would beg and plead, and it might even come to blows. Maria wasn't a threat to me—I could probably kill her blindfolded, but I'd rather avoid her.

_Just as well_, I thought, _I'm thirsty. And I'm almost out of books._

I was gone within three minutes.

I was in a different state, with a different fire. But it was the same. It was a biography of George Washington this time. I was settling comfortably into this lifestyle of reading by the fire.

I heard her before I smelled her. It was the same vampire. _Maria, _I groaned inwardly. _I am going to have to kill her._ It wasn't such a bad option, though, the more I thought of it, _It would solve some problems_.

However, the vampire that walked gracefully into my small clearing was not Maria. The hair was jet black and short. She was tiny, and pixie-like. _Beautiful_, fluttered across my mind. It was coupled with a strong desire to keep her safe.

I was shocked at my thoughts. But before I had a chance to gather my thoughts, she dropped casually to the ground on the opposite side of the fire. She fixed me with a steely glare and said, "The mortality rate for booksellers in the Boston area is skyrocketing. You keep this up, and there won't be any left."

I looked at her in silence. She was, of course, referring to my hunting patterns. It was simpler that way: kill the bookseller, drink his blood, and help myself to a few books on the way out. Two birds with one stone. It worked and I was happy. Well, not exactly happy. But I was as close as I figured I was going to get.

She was waiting for a response. My first response was to curse and tell her to mind her own business. But I quenched those thoughts. I was starved for conversation and knew it. I didn't want to drive her away with rudeness. "Occupational hazard." I finally said, not looking at her.

Her laugh jerked my head up to her eyes. They were full of mirth and she continued to laugh. Her laughter made me smile. I wanted nothing else but to keep her laughing, but I didn't know how. I wasn't funny.

After a moment, her laughter died down, and her ruby eyes gazed into mine. "Jasper," she asked, "What am I going to do with you?"

The warmth of her eyes, her voice, everything about her…made my insides feel warm. I didn't know what this emotion was. Without thinking, I responded, "Keep me."

I was horrified by my response. This was unlike me; I didn't know what had come over me. She didn't seem surprised, though. It was as if she had been expecting me to say just that. She smiled softly, "I think I will."


	4. Another Way

**A/N: **Not mine.

"What if there was another way?"

I blinked, startled by the abruptness of Alice's question.

We were sprawled out on the ground, our heads close together, our bodies pointing in different directions, forming a lopsided star. We were watching the evening fade and the stars come slowly out. We had been laying there for hours, talking, but the past few we had just been silent. Enjoying each other's presence.

The question hung in the air and I had no idea how to answer it. It definitely did not relate to our last topic of conversation—Harry Truman's presidency. I figured since I had no idea what she was talking about, I could have a little fun. I turned my head slightly to look at her. "Another way _what?_" I asked suggestively.

She snorted. "Not that, you prat," she laughed, swatting me playfully. She giggled for a moment and I rejoiced in her laugh. She settled down and the tone of our conversation instantly became somber. "What if there was another way to survive? Without killing humans?"

I was shocked. The idea was incomprehensible. "Alice…" I said slowly, "I don't think that's possible."

"Are you saying it's impossible?" Her voice whipped out at me.

I groaned internally. I could see the trap she was setting for me. Two years had taught me something. If I said it was impossible, she would counter that _nothing_ was impossible and the bickering would begin over semantics. "Nothing's impossible," I was treading softly, "But I don't think…" I stopped, and sighed. This wasn't going well. "Why don't you just tell me what prompted your question."

There was another long pause in the conversation. I was just about to turn the topic back to Truman out of desperation when she answered. "I keep seeing a family."

I scoffed at her response. "Oh, well, that explains it."

My sarcastic tone was not lost on Alice. She sat up, turned and looked at me. "Jasper," she said simply, "Knock it off."

I sat up as well, instantly repentant. "Sorry."

Alice leaned forward earnestly, forgiving me. "I keep seeing a family…" She repeated, "And us with them. There's something different about them. Something about their eyes."

I wanted to make another sarcastic remark, but I held myself back. "Their eyes?" I prompted.

"I don't think they hunt humans."

The remark hung in the air as I considered it. "So how do they do it?" My voice was skeptical.

"I don't know," Alice admitted. She looked me squarely in the eyes, "I'd like to find out."

I was floored by the suggestion. "You're joking, right?" I looked at her in shock, "Right?" _She has to be teasing_.

She just looked at me. "No."

"Alice," I shook my head, "I know you have visions, but…"

Alice's voice whipped again as she stared at me. "You can't possibly think that how we live is right?"

I stared back at her, glaring into her eyes. I was mad at her now, and expelling large amounts of anger through my emotions. Alice scooted herself back in attempt to distance herself from my emotions.

I forced myself to calm down. She had a point and I didn't want to admit it. "No, I don't think it's right."

"So you agree…"

I cut her off before she got going, "I agree. It's wrong. I don't like ending lives," Visions of the first and second World Wars drifted through my mind, "But it's not my fault I'm the only predator in the world with a conscience."

"But because you have a conscience, you can make a choice."

"What other choice could I make?" My anger was rising again, and instead of staring at her, I starting ripping weeds out of the ground and throwing them at the ground by my feet. _Lions don't ignore the gazelles and eat the grass, Alice_.

Alice smiled gently at me. "Let's at least go see?" Her voice made it into a question. A question for me to answer.

As I looked up at her, my emotions softened. I loved Alice. I was hers and she was mine. I would do anything she asked me to. But I didn't have to like it. "I'm not making any promises to change." I stated firmly, "You need to have realistic expectations."

"But you'll give it a shot? For me?" She batted her eyes, trying to flirt.

"For you." I agreed, throwing more uprooted weeds, smiling at her fluttering eyes, "Where are they?"

"Ohio."

It was the next morning. Alice and I were ready to head off to this 'family' that she kept seeing in visions. I was doubly upset. Upset by Alice's desire to change our lives so drastically, and upset by where this family had chosen to live. Ohio. We were in Delaware and the quickest way to Ohio was through Pennsylvania, past Gettysburg….and Maria.

It seemed this family was out to get me all ready.

We would be giving Gettysburg a wide berth.

"Jazz," Alice questioned, "Are you okay?"

I swung a backpack of our things over my shoulders and adjusted the straps before answering. My emotions were tight and nervous. I wasn't making any attempt to hide them or to protect Alice from them. _ I knew I should have told Alice more about Maria_, I berated myself mentally,_ But I can't admit to Alice, of all people, that I used Maria. And Maria is unstable enough…_ "Look," I growled suddenly, "We are going now. And we are not going to stop until we get there. Do you understand me, Alice? We are not stopping, for anything, or anyone."

"Is that really realistic?" Alice questioned, "Ohio is a long way from here."

"It's realistic." I growled at her. _Don't talk to me about realistic_, I thought angrily, _I'm a mythological creature that shouldn't even exist_.

"I've all ready seen us running into another vampire." Alice offered cheerfully, trying to offset my nervous emotions.

I cursed. "No, we are not going to run into another vampire." I stepped forward and grabbed Alice by the shoulders. "We are not stopping." I said the words slowly.

I was scaring Alice. She had never seen me this way. "Jasper," she asked quietly, "What's wrong?"

I took a deep breath, and forced myself to consider Alice's latest vision of meeting another vampire. "What did this vampire look like?" I sent waves of calm over to Alice.

"I didn't get a good look, really." Alice offered as the peace hit her.

I clenched my teeth in exasperation. "Male or female."

"Female."

I cursed under my breath. "What color hair?" I closed my eyes.

"Brown. And curly." I cursed again, louder this time.

"Jasper!" Alice chided.

I opened my eyes, and looked at Alice. I was still holding her by her shoulders. "Alice, if we meet another vampire—before we get to this family—I want you to keep going, okay? Don't stop."

"Jasper,"

"Alice," I cut in, "Promise me."


	5. Lions and Grass

"You've got to be kidding me."

I had just watched Emmett drink two deer. Deer. Of all things, deer. I couldn't seem to wrap my mind around it.

We had been with the Cullen family for a few days. Alice fit right in. They loved her, and she loved them. I was wary of the whole situation. I had waited as long as I dared go without eating, and Emmett had invited me to go with him on his hunting trip. When I protested that I didn't know how they hunted, he laughingly said "A picture is worth a thousand words." Of course, I knew they hunted animals, but seeing it with my own eyes…it drove the reality home._ The lions really are eating the grass_, I thought.

Emmett smiled apologetically. "I wish I was." He was serious. He looked at me and held my eyes. "You wanted to know how. Now you do." There was a long pause. "Why don't you try?"

I groaned inwardly. _Think of Alice, Alice, Alice, Alice…_my mind turned her name into a chant.

"Bear is good, so is cougar. Moose is a little gamey, but not as bad as elk. Stay away from anything small—it's not worth your time." Emmett cheerfully offered his opinion.

_What are you, the waiter offering tonight's dinner specials? _"And deer?" I gestured to the two carcasses next to him.

Emmett grinned widely. "Tastes like chicken."

I groaned aloud which made Emmett's smile widen. _Alice, Alice, Alice, Alice.._her name became a drum beat in my ear.

_Alice…Alice...Alice…Alice…_

The scents were all around me, now that I smelled them.

_Bear…good…Cougar…good…_

It didn't take me long to take down three deer. They were fast, but I was faster.

"And?" Emmett asked from across the clearing.

I paused a moment. _Alice…Alice…Alice.._ "Tastes like chicken?" I offered.

Emmett chuckled, and was instantly next to me. "Tastes like crap, huh?"

I snorted in agreement, and we sat down against an outcropping of rocks, in the shade of the forest. "It's not easy," Emmett said softly, "Nothing tastes as good as human. I don't think Carlisle or Esme understand, really. They've never…" His voice trailed off.

"You have?" I was looking at him curiously, now. How could he managed that, and still be in their coven? For the first time, too, I felt a little bit of hope. If he had tasted human, and he was surviving this way, maybe—_maybe—_I could, too.

"Yes." It sounded like a confession, but when I met his eyes, there was no regret, no embarrassment.

"Rosalie, too?"

"No."

"Edward?"

"Yes."

I looked thoughtfully across the clearing. I didn't have much time to think. Emmett took the conversation a different direction. "You're good."

I didn't have to ponder what he meant. Emmett was referring to my hunting. I was powerful, I was fast. And I was very, very good at what I did. "Yes." I acknowledged, but I said no more.

I was beginning to enjoy Emmett's company. He wanted more, he wanted to hear my story, but he wasn't going to push me for it. And I liked that. It made me respect him.

Suddenly, I caught a scent on the breeze. I cursed, loudly, jumping quickly to my feet, scanning the area ahead of me. I sniffed again, and this time, there was no doubt. _Maria_, my mind screamed,_ That scent is Maria's! She tracked us here!_ All of my careful planning, the large detour around Gettysburg, it had been in vain.

I turned back to Emmett, the curses flowing readily from my mouth.

"You were in the Navy, huh?"

His question caught me off guard, even in my anger. It caused my plan making to shut down, and all I could reply was, "Huh?"

"You've got a mouth like a drunken sailor."

At another time, in another moment, I would have found Emmett's comment amusing. But not now, not at this moment. "Emmett," I breathed, "I don't have time to explain. Do you trust me?"

Now it was Emmett's turn to be confused. "Huh?"

I changed my question, "Will you help me?"

He could sense my urgency, but not the meaning behind it. "Sure," he shrugged, "I will."

I took a mental moment to compare us, just then. I was standing, reading for a fight, ready for a brawl. Emmett was still casually relaxing on the ground, against the rocks. Suddenly, he caught the scent of vampire on the breeze. "Ahhh." He said, understanding now my questions.

The words were no sooner out of his mouth, than Maria materialized in front of us. _There is no question this time,_ I thought,_ This will be the end._

She was still beautiful. I couldn't deny that.

She looked at me softly. "Jasper."

"Maria." I said. There was a hard edge in my voice.

She noticed the tone, and her back stiffened slightly.

"What do you want?" I asked, the same edge in my voice.

"The same thing I always want. You." Her eyes flickered to Emmett, still sitting, "Are you going to introduce me to your friend?"

"Emmett." I was purposefully being rude. I wanted her to leave.

"Hello, Emmett."

Emmett nodded at her from the ground, not saying a word.

"Friendly." She muttered, bringing her gaze back to me.

"Maria, it's over."

Her gaze never wavered. "No, it's not."

"I've mated." I said simply, dropping the hammer.

She smiled slightly, with bitterness and malice, "You used to say the same thing about me."

"No," I corrected her harshly, "I never did."

The smile dropped from Maria's face. She knew the truth: I never, once, had called her my mate. She may have changed me for that reason, but I was not for her. No matter what we had done, or how intimate our relationship had once been, I had always know she was not my mate.

I was for Alice.

Maria was now cursing, "I am going to kill that…"

That was all the invitation I needed. The threat to Alice threw me against her, growling. Emmett was there in a flash, and quickly, between the two of us, it was over. It was almost as easy as the deer.

Almost.

I looked at what remained of Maria and cursed. I hadn't wanted to do this to her. _I'm always full of regrets,_ I mused_, But I never take the actions to prevent what causes them._

I looked at Emmett. Somehow, he had procured a match, and he was going through the standard procedure to dispose a vampire. As I looked at Emmett through the growing smoke, I realized that the Cullens were offering a different way. A way to end my regrets.

"Sorry to jump in so quickly," Emmett broke into my thoughts, "But it looked like fun. And," he looked up at me from the fire, "I figured the less we got torn up, the less we'd have to explain at home." He smiled.

I smiled back, knowing that we would both keep this incident to ourselves. Edward, with his mind reading, would find out, but perhaps we could keep it between the three of us. "Thank you." I said.

Emmett's smile got bigger, "I think I'm going to like having you around." He commented.

That evening, as Emmett and I walked up the steps to the front door of the Cullens' house, I stopped him, "Emmett?"

"Yeah, Jasper?" He asked.

"I was in the Army, not the Navy."

He grinned. Emmett was a likable guy. "Well, that does explain it."

I grinned back. "Don't confuse them again."

He laughed, and we walked into the house together.

**A/N:** First, off, I don't own it. If I did, I would be living in Tahiti.

I always knew Jasper was always going kill Maria. But I didn't know how. At first, I thought it would be after he visited Gettysburg and learned about Jason and how Maria had kept that from him. But I always knew that Emmett (and not Alice) was going to help him do it. Somehow, they had to do it together.

I'd be interested in knowing if anyone is interested in more—I've got one, maybe two more one shots of Jasper I could do—if there is interest.


End file.
